Please don't call me madam

One of the things that has been particularly notable to me since my arrival in Sri Lanka has been the importance placed on verbal etiquette and forms of address. At the hospital, for example, the consultants are referred to by staff and patients as “sir” or “madam” to indicate their position of importance. When I tell people it is not unusual for me to address the consultants I work with in the UK using their first names, they look at me with a mixture of shock and disbelief. Other staff lower down the pecking order are referred to as “mister” or “miss”. For the most part, I have become Miss Beth, or Beth Miss. And I think it rather suits me! 

Whilst I'm getting used to the shouts of “taxi madam?” “where are you going madam?” and similar which follow me everywhere in Colombo, I have been relieved to escape being called madam at work. That is, until recently. I have been doing some teaching sessions with students on placement at the hospital. Not only do they all stand as I enter the room, some of them insist on calling me madam. And it just feels very very wrong. On bumping into one of the students on my way to work, I was greeted with a enthusiastic “good morning madam”. I decided it was time to try to put an end to this once and for all. Unfortunately, what began as a promising exchange, quickly descended into the faintly ridiculous as I tried in vain to make my point.

“Please don't call me madam”

“Sorry madam?”

“You don't need to call me madam. Just Beth is fine”

“Yes madam, but it is important to be calling you madam”

“No no, you really don't need to. It actually makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Yes madam, you see the thing is madam, we must be showing you respect madam”

“Ok, but in my culture you can show someone respect without calling them madam, simply by how you behave”

“Ah, but madam, here in Sri Lanka our behaviour it is coming first from our verbal actions. What we say madam is influencing how we are behaving”

And so there I gave up and accepted my fate. Perhaps I'll even get used to it and demand similar treatment on my return. And maybe, just maybe, a little of all this politeness will rub off on me and I'll return a better behaved person.